Passing Through the Now

redwing nlp blog

There I was, just standing there, completely unaware of my surroundings. I could see nothing, yet feel everything all at once. I could sense the stillness of the air, the silence of white noise, the heat of someone or something getting closer.

In the darkness I began to make out the moving shadows, here and there in the distance. They had no place to be, no place to go, they just created shapes of no real sense. I could feel a certain presence from behind, edging closer and closer. Footsteps working their way towards me and around me, I look to my left and I look to my right, the emptiness is overwhelming. But I could feel them moving, rushing in all kinds of directions.

The tenseness in my shoulders held heavy and tight, my blood rising in anticipation, circulating and unearthing its way towards the surface of my skin. For a brief moment I am thankful for the darkness, but as I continue to feel consumed by my senses and emotions, I know this place is not my home. One by one the hairs on the back of my neck begin to stand. One by one I struggle to hear the footsteps I once heard, searching for the sounds that are no longer there.

The longer I stand here, the quicker I realise I am no longer standing. I am falling, falling fast. No right way is up and no wrong way is down. I know I am falling evermore towards the unknown here, if only I could see more clearly maybe I could see the answers too. My what ifs are building up in my mind, what if I did, what if I didn’t? Can they help me? I just need to help myself.

I try to look over my shoulder, as if to catch my followers, but my body ceases to move, it ceases to function at my instruction. This white noise that continues to surround me is overwhelmingly powerful. So much, I can do nothing but embrace it, let it sink over me and through me, until I am no more. Time stops.

Closer and closer.

Then everything stops. My field of vision becomes lighter… clearer. The world re-appears to me again and slowly the once muffled sounds and dark shapes hiding in the shadows, crawl out of the corners and into oblivion. The light gets stronger, it shows me there are people here, with me, there are people near me and that’s okay.

Safe, I remain poised where I stand, standing not falling, two feet placed down on the solid floor. I remind myself I’m as grounded as ever, right now. Looking down, avoiding eye contact with others, I can clearly see the shuffling of feet, moving, fleeing where they once were. Not standing, always moving. Those sounds of noise, they don’t go away, but they fit, they make sense now.

Finally, the lightness completely draws over me, I am here, present in the now and remembering what isn’t real, what’s just a facade. So I take my first step forwards, it’s purposeful and I don’t look back again.

Take a look at the Redwing NLP Blog for more stories, insights and links to courses and take that first step forwards.

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